SOMEWHERE
IN THE FRISCH BUILDING, PARAMUS, NJ, USA, NORTH AMERICA, WESTERN HEMISPHERE,
PLANET EARTH, MILKY WAY, GOD’S TORSO—Well folks, it’s that time of year again. After
the first few months, school’s becoming a bit of a grind, and the longed-for vacation
looms in the air but hasn’t quite arrived.
Sure,
we’ve all begun starving ourselves to fit into that bathing suit that so
wonderfully highlights the groovy outline of our calf muscles, yet the beach is
still a couple of days and a plane ride away. (And if you’re going skiing, that’s
cool too, but a ski suit isn’t much to write home about. Maybe a nice hat. Maybe.) But anyway, ladies and gents—what
we can all agree on is that immanent need for a rather generous dosage of Shiriyah. After all, as Rabbi Ciner has
never said, “Shiriyah is the best
medicine.”
Believe
it or not, Dr. Stein knows it too, and sources close to him say that he is
strongly considering Shiriyah
sometime soon (!). Strangely, it isn’t just the students who get tired of the humdrum
school routine, day in and day out. Some of the teachers even become jaded of
the experience too.
“I
just get so darn sick of the kids,” said French Historian Mr. Di Bartolo. “And
to see those Marxist fanatics collaborating on something that doesn’t matter
after a week—even better. More rewarding is watching each grade tear itself
apart over which color construction paper in the hallway contrasts best with
the collection of gold-painted cardboard boxes that’s supposed to resemble the
Second Temple or something.”
Not
to single out any departments or anything, but Frisch’s science group was
slightly less enthusiastic.
“I
swear to God[1]
if I only get 1 or 2 kids showing up to class, I’m gonna go on strike for the
week of Shiriyah,” physics teacher
Mr. Tarendash was overheard saying. “It’s like nobody other than Zach Flamholz
and Ben Glass wants to learn anything! I’m just not going to teach from the
onset. That’ll show ‘em. Or maybe I’ll teach nothing and test the kids on it
when they get back.”
But
when is Shiriyah?
After
surveying one uninvolved Rabbi, we can conclude pretty confidently that it’s
now or never in terms of Shiriyastic
plans. As students, all we can do is hope and delude ourselves. As if they will
actually schedule Shiriyah right when
we need and expect it to be. How often does that happen?
As far as the breakout video goes, one
can only speculate as to what it will include. I think it’s about time that the
Frisch Entertainment Committee (or the FEC) spoofs Rabbi Krug’s famous “last
Jew” thing. That would be sooo FEC. Also, since we just got through that whole
Mayan apocalypse spiel, it would really be fitting if they use that.
Whatever
happens, I just hope that Shiriyah
comes soon. I miss her. I miss her real bad.
No comments:
Post a Comment