Pingsketball

THE GYM, DOWNSTAIRS, THE FRISCH SCHOOL—Well, the Frisch Cougars’ basketball regular season ended with quite the bang last week. The fans knew they would get to see one ball game, but little did they expect to merit a double-feature—including a ball game of a slightly different sort.

A thriller in Paramus that lasted much longer than the scheduled amount of quarters resulted in an extension of the basketball match, which we are told is known to the basketball intelligentsia as “overtime.” Apparently, these “overtime” installments are particularly thrilling. But that’s not even the exciting part.

In a bizarre twist of fate, the score was dead even after numerous extra innings. When things got particularly heated, the Frisch bench and audience erupted in their trademark “Strich Can’t Handle the Pressure” chant, despite threats from the school administration, a perplexed administration, one might add, as the game was against Ramaz, and dear Strich does not go to Ramaz. Not even a little.

Frisch’s unsportsmanlike activity did not please the referees. In a tween-like fit of anger, the head referee ejected anyone even mildly affiliated with Frisch, despite having no authority to do so.

With no players, fans, or even parents left, a Frisch forfeit seemed inevitable. But a loophole in the rules, as well as some crafty negotiations by Frisch’s Syrian players, allowed Frisch to challenge Ramaz at a game other than basketball. You see, Frisch’s players, fans, and parents were all ejected from the basketball game, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t stay and enjoy a different sporting event. So, to resolve the final score of the basketball game, Frisch challenged Ramaz in a doubles table tennis match to eleven.

Each school was allowed to elect two representatives by Noise-O-Meter to compete in the table tennis match. The crowd chose Dr. Stein and Judah Cohen to represent Frisch, and for Ramaz, they chose Rabbi Ciner (Ramaz alumnus) and starting forward Daniel Berg. Suffice to say, Frisch dominated the crowd and therefore determined the representatives.

Much to everyone’s surprise, Dr. Stein unzipped what was apparently a fake suit costume and happened to be wearing an extremely old-school MTA Ping Pong team uniform. What a Ping Pong team uniform is, we may never know, but that’s what he was wearing. Dr. Stein reportedly told Judah Cohen, “Stand back. You might be the basketball player, but on a table tennis court, nobody get in my way.” Dr. Stein, a behemoth of a ping-pong player, went on to defeat the Ramaz reps with a staggering score of 11-0.

When asked about his table tennis uniform, the principal responded, “I have worn that outfit underneath my work clothes everyday for the last ten years. I knew it would come in handy one day.”

It never really was just about basketball.