Census Report: Anti-Semites a “Dying Breed” in the Halls of Frisch

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MASHGIACH—The 2012-2013 Middle States Frisch Census has reported a historically low number of Anti-Semites among the student body. 

Said chief organizer of the Middle States Census Rabbi Wald, “There are really only about 8-9 Anti-Semites per grade at this point, approximately 1/5 of the number we had in the last census of the 1992-1993 season.”

Interestingly enough, our very own Rabbi Schachter was in the prime of his high school career during the peak of Anti-Semitism in Frisch.

“Discriminating against Jews just isn't as popular as it was in my day,” Rabbi Schachter muttered as he glanced nostalgically into the far right corner of his office, “Man, it was real hard sometimes. The kids made us Jews sit in the front of the bus with all the freshmen. They’d make the Jews play basketball on the small side of the gym with no three-point line. Sometimes they’d kick us off our grade-wide Shiriyah teams and declare our hallway Faculty Room E.”

Rabbi Schachter just wanted me to add that while the coolest kids were Anti-Semites, the next most popular clique was those who were lukewarm to Mormonism, followed by die-hard worshippers of the ancient Canaanite god Ba’al. 

Perhaps the greatest reason for the recent decline in Anti-Semitic students at Frisch is the rapid resurgence of Frisch’s Jewish education, which has successfully decreased the general level of ignorance regarding the enigmatic Jewish people. 

Resident psychology expert Rabbi Dr. Krug recently conducted a drop-in center titled "High School Anti-Semites: When Ignorance Isn't Bliss." He explained to students and faculty alike that more often than not, these are cases of ignorance and not malicious intentions by the students.  

Judaic studies principal Rabbi Ciner pointed out that not many of talmidei Frisch are well-versed in the cultic organization known as Judaism and think it’s “just some random, ancient religion.”

"We're very proud of our Judaic staff for turning the Anti-Semitic climate of the school around," added Rabbi Ciner. "We're also grateful to the Jewish teachers who teach secular subjects for showing the students that Jews can be normal people too."

Rabbi Ciner did forget to mention last year's frightening incident--that is, a burning paper bag of gum without a proper hechsher being thrown into the "Jewish room" on last year's Junior Freezefest, but the student culprit did testify that he felt compelled to "do something crazy" because "you never know when you'll get to be Anti-Semitic in Canada again."

Aside from this, some scattered, minor instances of anti-Jewish activity have occurred of late; the occasional showering of a Jewish student, talking during davening, and more.

Not to end on a bad note, however, for the Frisch School is finally 94% Anti-Semite free.

Well done, Frisch faculty.