Pingsketball

THE GYM, DOWNSTAIRS, THE FRISCH SCHOOL—Well, the Frisch Cougars’ basketball regular season ended with quite the bang last week. The fans knew they would get to see one ball game, but little did they expect to merit a double-feature—including a ball game of a slightly different sort.

Rabbi Schulman Sent Packing After Air-fiving Mrs. Keigher

PARAMUS, NJ—The school cracked down on its shomer negiah policy the other day, letting go of student-favorite Rabbi Joshua Schulman for allegedly “air-fiving[1] Mrs. Keigher so enthusiastically [she] would have seriously hurt her hand were it a real high five.[2]”

Shiriyah Expected to Break Out This Week

SOMEWHERE IN THE FRISCH BUILDING, PARAMUS, NJ, USA, NORTH AMERICA, WESTERN HEMISPHERE, PLANET EARTH, MILKY WAY, GOD’S TORSO—Well folks, it’s that time of year again. After the first few months, school’s becoming a bit of a grind, and the longed-for vacation looms in the air but hasn’t quite arrived.

Dr. Stein Changes Policy on Talking During Davening

FROM BEHIND THE PODIUM IN THE SHUL—This morning, our Principal Dr. Stein had an announcement to make that was important enough to interrupt shacharit.

 

"It's enough," rang his voice this morning. "I will not stand for this talking anymore. I'm going to make you an offer. If you don't want to sit here, then leave, but if you stay then you need to be quiet."

Census Report: Anti-Semites a “Dying Breed” in the Halls of Frisch

FROM THE OFFICE OF THE MASHGIACH—The 2012-2013 Middle States Frisch Census has reported a historically low number of Anti-Semites among the student body.